The holiday season is almost here again, and with it, a minefield of grief triggers for those who have experienced a profound loss. For many, the holidays are a time to gather with loved ones, create memories, and enjoy traditions.
But... if you’re grieving the loss of someone close, this time of year can feel anything but merry and bright. If the thought of celebrating seems exhausting or even painful, know that you’re not alone—and it’s okay to feel this way. There is no right or wrong on your grief journey.
Grief is messy business, and the holidays bring along additional dynamics. Here are some insights and gentle strategies to help you honor your feelings, find peace, and take each day as it comes during this tough season of life.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s natural to want to put on a brave face or “fake it until you make it” for the holidays, but denying your emotions can lead to more overwhelm. (And grief is overwhelming enough as it is!) Give yourself permission to feel what comes up—whether it’s sadness, anger, or even brief moments of joy. Remember, every feeling is part of your healing journey. You don’t have to hold it all in.
Let Go of “Perfect” Holidays
We often feel pressured to live up to a picture-perfect holiday, but this season might look different for you, and that’s okay. Simplifying your traditions, setting realistic expectations, or saying no to certain events can help lighten the emotional load. Let this holiday be a time of honoring what you need, even if that means stepping away from some of the usual hustle and bustle. Remember...in both grief and in life, done is always better than perfect.
Simplifying your traditions, setting realistic expectations, or
saying no to certain events can help
lighten your emotional road this holiday season.
Create a New Tradition
In grief, the loss of familiar holiday rituals can sting the most. Creating a new tradition to honor your loved one can bring comfort and a sense of connection. This could be as simple as lighting a candle in their memory, making their favorite dish, or setting aside time to look through photos and remember the happy moments.
Connect with Supportive People
Surround yourself with those who can honor your need for both space and companionship. Choose people for your inner circle who understand that you might need to talk about your loved one, or perhaps just sit quietly without expectations. And if you’re feeling isolated, consider reaching out to a professional grief coach who can offer guidance specific to this challenging time of year.
Consider Self-Care as Non-Negotiable
During the holidays, self-care often gets pushed aside. But when you’re grieving, caring for yourself is absolutely essential. Create small rituals of comfort, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or meditating. Anything that grounds you and offers peace can help stabilize your emotions and give you strength to face the season.
Allow Yourself to Experience Joy Without Guilt
It’s common to feel a sense of guilt for experiencing happiness after losing someone. But joy is not a betrayal of your love or your grief—it’s a sign that you’re human and open to the little gifts that life still has to offer. Allow yourself those moments of joy when they come, without any judgment or guilt attached.
Joy is not a betrayal of your love or your grief...
it's a sign that you're human
and open to the little gifts that life still has to offer.
Remember, There’s No Right Way to Grieve
This season, know that your grief journey is uniquely yours. There’s no “right” way to get through the holidays, and no one-size-fits-all solution. Honor where you are, take things one day at a time, and remember that it’s okay to experience a range of emotions, sometimes all within a single day.
The holidays may feel different and even daunting, but I hope these strategies give you permission to approach this season on your own terms. The journey through grief is a gradual, nonlinear process, and each step you take is a testament to the strength and resilience within you. This year, let’s focus on doing what feels most loving and gentle for you.
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