Men & Grief: Do They Get the Short End of the Stick? Why we need to talk about how men are allowed to grieve

From the time they’re toddlers, boys are handed a set of unspoken rules about emotions. If a little girl falls and scrapes her knee, the adults around her usually rush in: comforting, cuddling, offering kisses and Band-Aids. But when a little boy falls? He’s often met with, “You’re okay,” or “Be tough,” or the infamous “Rub some dirt on it.”

It might seem harmless at the time—but those early messages stick. And for many men, they carry that “be strong” expectation straight into adulthood. Then, when grief hits, they’re left with very few tools and very few places to land.

As a grief coach, I see this play out often. The men I work with regularly tell me that our sessions are the only space where they feel safe enough to be vulnerable—where they can cry, speak their truth, or even say the words “I’m not okay.” Meanwhile, many of the women I work with share that they have friends, faith communities, or family members they can turn to for emotional support. And even when those women still struggle to open up (which they often do), they usually have more permission to try.

Both men and women worry about being a burden to others. But the difference is, women are more often invited to talk about their grief. Men are often left to figure it out in silence.

What This Silence Costs

When grief has nowhere to go, it doesn’t disappear. It turns inward. It becomes anger, isolation, anxiety, or even physical illness. Men are often praised for being stoic and “keeping it together,” when what they really need is someone to sit beside them and say, “You don’t have to be strong right now.”

They need permission to feel the full weight of their loss—without shame, without judgment, and without someone trying to fix it.

Because the truth is, men grieve just as deeply as women. But culturally, they’re not given the same space to express it. And that needs to change.

Tips to Support The Man Who Is Grieving...

Here are a few gentle ways you can support the men in your life who may be carrying silent grief:

1. Don’t assume silence means they’re “fine.” Many men won’t volunteer how they’re feeling—but that doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting. Ask how they’re doing. And ask more than once.

2. Make space without pressure. You don’t have to push them to open up. Just let them know you’re available. Sometimes just sitting in quiet companionship—watching a game, going for a walk, working on a project—can create the kind of connection that leads to deeper sharing over time.

3. Validate their grief—without trying to fix it. Say things like, “It’s okay to miss them,” or “You don’t have to hold it all in.” Men, like anyone, want to be seen and understood more than they want advice.

4. Offer alternatives to talking. Some men process grief better through doing—fixing things, building something, going fishing, or writing a letter to the person they lost. Don’t underestimate the power of these quiet rituals.

5. Encourage support—but meet them where they are. Men may be less likely to join a traditional grief support group, but they might be open to one-on-one coaching, a podcast about grief, or reading someone else’s story. Let them explore at their own pace.

Grief doesn’t follow gender rules. And yet the way we treat men in grief often tells them to suck it up, stay quiet, and get over it.

We can do better than that. We have to do better than that.

Let’s make space for men to grieve fully, deeply, and honestly. Let’s give them the same care and compassion we’d offer anyone who’s lost someone they love.

Because they deserve that space, too.