Myths About Grief...(Because What you've heard isn't always true)

Grief is one of life’s most universal experiences—and still, it's wildly misunderstood. If you’ve lost someone close, you’ve probably already encountered well-meaning people (or not-so-well-meaning ones) who offer advice, observations, or timelines that feel anything but helpful.

The truth is, our culture doesn’t really teach us how to grieve. Instead, it gives us myths—neatly packaged ideas that can leave us feeling confused, judged, or like we’re not doing it “right.”

If you'll indulge me, I'd like to gently set the record straight on a few of the most common myths I hear as a Grief Coach.

Myth #1: Grief has an endpoint.“You’ll feel better soon.” “Time heals all wounds.”

These kinds of phrases get tossed around a lot, but they’re not entirely true—and they can leave people feeling like failures when grief lingers (which it often does).

Grief isn’t something you get over; it’s something you learn to carry. It doesn’t vanish—it changes shape. Some days it’s a quiet ache, and other days it can still knock the wind out of you. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It means you’re human, and you’re healing on your own terms.

Myth #2: You’re supposed to go through five neat little stages.

This idea became popular thanks to the “five stages of grief,” but here’s the catch: grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t come with a checklist. You might feel denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but not in that order, not just once, and maybe not all of them at all.

Grief is messy business. It's personal. What it is NOT is linear. You may feel one thing in the morning and something completely different by dinner. You’re not doing it wrong—you’re just doing it your way.

Myth #3: If you're still grieving after a year, there’s something wrong.

This myth is especially harmful. There’s no magic mark where grief ends—one year, two years, or ten years. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, even random Tuesday mornings can still bring a wave of grief crashing down on you.

Grief doesn’t go away; we just grow around it, and we grow through it. Some losses stay with us forever, not because we’re stuck—but because the love is that big. Continuing to grieve someone years later isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of love and connection.

Myth #4: You should be strong for others.

Especially for women, this one runs deep. We’re taught to hold it together, to keep smiling, to keep the household running. But strength doesn’t mean pretending you're okay. It doesn’t mean bottling things up so no one sees you cry.

Real strength is being honest about your pain. It’s letting the people who love you see the real, raw version of where you are. It’s allowing yourself rest, space, support—and knowing you don’t have to carry it all alone.

Myth #5: If you're laughing or enjoying life again, it means you’ve moved on.

This one can come with guilt. But here's the truth: joy and grief are not enemies. You’re allowed to laugh. You’re allowed to have fun. You’re allowed to plan for the future or smile at something beautiful.

This doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your person. It means you’re discovering how to live again, with grief as part of your story—not the whole thing. That’s not moving on. That’s moving forward with love.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re grieving “wrong,” I want you to know: you’re not. There’s no wrong way to grieve. There’s only your way—and that deserves gentleness, patience, and grace.

Grief is hard, and grief is messy, I invite you to be kind to yourself and show yourself some of that same grace you show others.