Grief is messy business and it can feel like an all-consuming shadow, dimming the bright parts of our life and leaving us in a place of sadness that can feel so very heavy. For those of us who have experienced loss, it's common to wonder if it's possible to feel hope while you are still grieving. Today, I would like to share with you, both personally and professionally, that hope and grief can indeed coexist.
Understanding the Duality
Your grief journey is not a linear process; it's more like a spiral, where emotions can come and go and intensify in waves. During these times, it may feel almost unthinkable to grasp any sense of hope. However, hope doesn't necessarily mean feeling happy or optimistic all the time. It's about holding onto the belief that there will be moments where the pain lessens and you can find some peace. I think our society and culture (unknowingly) places an unrealistic expectation on "hope" making grievers feel as if we need to "put away" our grief and then we can move on to hope, happiness, optimism, etc.
Grief is a strange thing. It touches the lives of nearly everyone we meet, yet nobody wants to talk about it which is why the duality of grief is often misunderstood.
Small Glimmers of Hope
Hope during grief might look like small moments of relief where you find yourself laughing at an old joke, enjoying a meal, or getting lost in a good book. These are fleeting instances where the weight of grief may lift, allowing light to break through the darkness. Acknowledging these moments, and allowing yourself to enjoy them, doesn't mean you are forgetting your loved one or disrespecting their memory. Instead, they serve as gentle reminders that grief and joy can exist together.
Creating Space for Both
Allowing yourself to feel a spectrum of emotions is crucial. Some days will be harder than others, and that's okay. It’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings without judgment. I know that is not easy, so I invite you to start small and be gentle with yourself. Creating a space that respects both your grief and your emerging hope is key. Maybe it's setting aside a small ritual each day to remember your loved one, followed by a activity that brings you a bit of joy or comfort, such as walking in nature, listening to music, or reading.
Sharing Your Journey
As we build our community on platforms like Facebook, sharing our experiences becomes a powerful tool for healing. Hearing others’ stories of grief and hope reminds us that we are not alone in our complex emotions. It helps to dissolve the barriers of isolation that grief often constructs around us. I encourage you to share your moments of hope in our group, no matter how small or fleeting they may seem.
Hope as a Companion in Healing
Something that might help is to look at hope during grief from a different perspective. Think of hope as a companion on your grief journey, one that walks silently alongside you, ready to offer solace when you least expect it. It's there in the memories that bring smiles in between tears, in the supportive messages from friends, and in the quiet moments when you remember your loved one’s warmth.
To my fellow grievers, know that it's possible for hope and grief to coexist. It’s not about moving on but moving forward with your grief, carrying the love and memories of those lost along with the quiet yet steadfast hope for moments of peace and healing.
Your journey is uniquely yours, but remember, you are not walking it alone. As your grief coach, I am here to support you every step of the way, and our growing Facebook community is a testament to the collective strength and compassion we share. Let’s keep nurturing this space, sharing our stories, and holding onto hope together.
If you are in need of support during your grief or life transition journey, I'm here and ready to help you get the most good from your grief.
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